corrupt politicians and a serial killer in Miami. But who hasn’t dealt with those kinds of folks when visiting the Sunshine State? It is time to go global as “Extralarge” and his buddy Dumas take on foreign terrorists on American soil. Of course, you’d never know that with the way this entry starts off. Were you the guy watching “Miami Vice” and always saying, “Damn, I wish I could see Philip Michael Thomas in drag.” If so, your prayers have been answered as this episode opens with Thomas sporting a wig while decked out in heels, a skirt and a silk blouse. Yep, Costello has recruited him to help nab a park rapist, who not only looks suspiciously like Woody Allen, but he strikes in broad daylight.
While Jack carts his capture off to the precinct, Dumas heads back to the office in full drag. Dumas heads inside and Maria Martinez (Vivian Ruiz), Jack’s landlady and wannabe paramour, tells him that a prospective client is waiting for Jack in his office. The client in question turns out to be Hella von Herman (Ursula Karven), who Dumas finds very attractive. In California speak: Hella is hella hot. Hey, don’t boo me. Anyway, she wants to hire Jack to the tune of $1,000 to pick up her father Klaus von Herman, a nuclear physicist, at the airport and escort him safely to his hotel. Sensing an easy way to a big payday, Dumas opts to do the job himself and leaves Jack a note to meet him at the hotel later. Of course, Dumas is a dumbass and doesn’t notice the two sets of guys – two CIA guys and two terrorist looking guys – tailing him when he meets up with the Professor at the airport.
Miami. They live up to their unscrupulous nature when they try to run Hella and Dumas over outside the arena. A car chase ensues where Jack ends up capturing one of the bad guys and turning him over to Lt. Bedford. Our private dicks decide the best course of action is for Hella to hide out at Dumas’ place. Apparently they don’t remember what happened to Lela Rochon two episodes ago when she hid out at his place and once again Dumas and the female lead are kidnapped. How does everyone keep finding out where his houseboat is? Jack saves Dumas at a dog race track, but the terrorists keep the girl to finalize her father’s formula. Their dastardly plan is to synthesize the nerve gas and release it into the crowd at St. Marks church, where one of their operatives is posing as a priest while setting up a huge fundraiser to draw a crowd. Only problem is they don’t have the formula since it is currently at the dry cleaners in Jack’s extra large coat. So now Jack is in their crosshairs. Or, as the CIA guy on the case says, “Mr. Costello, you’ve turned into a moving target” followed by a piano sting.
The film does have a downside though and it can be spelled out in three short words – Phillip Michael Thomas. I don’t know what happened on this one, but the dude is totally out of control in this episode. He is so over-the-top that not only do we get him in drag, but there is a scene later where he breaks into a Nazi goosestep. WTF? He seems to think this episode is an audition reel and does about 45 different accents as well. In one of the more surreal bits in the show, he stops to buy some apples being sold by a Michael Jackson impersonator (Darrin Sutton, still moonwalkin’ today) and we get the following bizarre exchange.
Dumas: “Hey, Michael, how much to gangbang one of your apples?”
Michael Jackson: “A dollar a pound.”