When first announced, THE THEATRE BIZARRE (you know they are serious because they use the European spelling of theater) sounded promising as hell. The producers said 6 directors (7 if you include the wraparound) would be given free reign to create a short film inspired by Paris’ legendary gore-infused Grand Guignol theatrical group. “They must deliver a short film of 10-20 minutes inspired by the term ‘Grand Guignol.’ No other creative restrictions exist. We’re expecting great things from six of modern horror’s most distinctive writers and directors,” said producer Daryl Tucker in 2010. Damn, maybe they should have imposed a few restrictions like – I don’t know – telling an interesting story?
The film kicks off with a wraparound segment directed by Jeremy Kasten that starts with SE7EN (1995) style credits (are we still aping that in 2011?). A young girl (Virginia Newcomb) is scribbling on the wall in her apartment when she notices a theater outside her window. You can tell she is disturbed because there is a shot of a creepy doll in her apartment (sigh). Anyway, she heads into the empty theater to be entertained by a wind up toy-human hybrid (Udo Kier) onstage. With his toy-human marionettes, he goes about introducing each story. Well, really Kier just mumbles something vague and we cut to each segment. The stories unfold as follows:
|THE MOTHER OF TOADS|
WET DREAMS (D: Tom Savini) has Donnie (James Gill) visiting a shrink (Savini) to talk about his horrible dreams of his wife (Debbie Rochon) chopping off his penis. Of course, he is also having an affair with the shrink's wife. This one is overly convoluted with too much dream-within-a-dream shenanigans on display. However, this does succeed in at least the Grand Guignol aspect as a woman has her arms and legs torn from her torso while stretch out on a rack. Other than that moment, not much is going on here. Gill is spectacularly awful as the lead (his maniacal laughs in the end are hilarious).
THE ACCIDENT (D: Douglas Buck) is the shortest of the bunch and centers on a young girl asking her mom about death after they come upon the scene of a motorcycle accident on a back country road. This is the artiest and most poetic of the bunch, leaving me scratching my head as to what it is doing here. I mean, I liked this one but it seems more appropriate for a Atom Egoyan wannabe festival.
SWEETS (D: David Gregory) has love struck Greg (Guilford Adams) upset that his honey bun Estelle (Lindsay Goranson) wants to end their relationship. He loved that she was plumping him up on sugary foods, not knowing she belongs to a group that likes to feast on guys like him. The gross out factor is high here and the body dismemberment in the end is Grand Guignol worthy. It is well shot with good performances and cult actress Lynn Lowry has a small role. However, you'll figure it out within seconds since it is basically a Brothers Grimm fairy tale wannabe.