“I'll get you. I’ll mangle you. You turd.”
If you immediately find joy in lines of dialogue like that, THE INSTRUCTOR is a film for you. A relic from an era where white guys at a karate school could pool together enough money to make a film (aka the late 70s/early 80s), this is the kind of cinema we live for here at Video Junkie. Is it cheaply made? Yes. Is it going to replace ENTER THE DRAGON (1973) as a martial arts classic? No. Is it entertaining as hell? Freakin’ A!
THE INSTRUCTOR opens with, naturally, The Instructor (Bob Chaney) jogging with his student Thumper (writer-producer-director Don Bendell). They seem unaware that they are being followed by a ninja (who picks his nose) before running into some of their kid students at the park. Meanwhile, a ragtag gang battles by some railroad tracks with swords and trash cans (I’m told that’s how they settle things in Ohio). After playing a bit of soccer with the kids, The Instructor and Thumper continue their jog, but head back because The Instructor has a bad feeling. Turns out he was right as the ninja has attacked the kids. But these kids use their masterful moves to knock the guy down and the ninja bolts. Alas, a man must jog and our heroes keep going until they stumble upon the gang forcing this ninja geek to molest a woman from the gang named Cookie (Shirley Bendell, Don’s wife). Or as Thumper so hilariously puts it: “Sir, look! That woman’s being raped!” This leads to a big fight scene where Thumper gets KO’d and The Instructor takes out everyone. Our heroes find out the ninja is a guy named Fender, who may or may not be mentally challenged, and he says he was following them as he wanted to learn Bud Hart’s moves. “Don’t confuse me with Bud Hart,” The Instructor sternly warns.
|The Instructor & his hair!|
|The Instructor & his rage!|
|Remember: Fender is watching you!|