LUNCH MEAT all over the place for being low budget and not trying worth a damn. Now I’m going to write up the equally bad and low budget WINTERBEAST and say that I actually enjoyed this terrible movie. Why the double standard you ask? Because the makers of WINTERBEAST tried, damn it! They may not have made a good movie, but at least they had the brains to fill it with weird stop-motion monsters, some nudity, zombies and one totally bizarre bit involving a clown mask. Most importantly, they didn’t make a boring movie a la LUNCH MEAT. It might not make a lick of sense, but I was never bored stiff during its 76 minutes. Ah, beast of winter, how I love thee. Let me count the ways.
Filmed in the wilds of Massachusetts, WINTERBEAST is set in a small town besieged by unexplained disappearances on the local trails, including a mountain ranger. Obviously this troubles the local law enforcement and ranger Bill Whitman (Tim Morgan) corrals a search posse of three other folks. In the mountains the team discovers an ancient looking totem pole altar set up with human skeletons attached to it. That’s it, we’re closing the beaches…er, trails, we’re closing the trails. Dave Sheldon (Bob Harlow), owner of the Wild Goose Lodge and plaid jacket enthusiast, objects as this would mean cancelling the upcoming fall festival, the town’s biggest source of income from really bored tourists.
And that is just the intentional absurdity. One can also get their kicks from watching for continuity errors like the ever changing evolution of Whitman’s mustache. Seriously, the length and style of his whiskers change all the time, even sometimes in the same scene! My favorite is the obviously fake one that looks like a ratty paintbrush and is, oddly, bright orange. I’ve made this handy visual guide for all to see: