Video archeologist Dr. Wilson and his native guide Simmonstipo are trying to divvy up the films for their upcoming coverage of Indiana Jones rip-offs. The conversation goes something like this.
Dr. Wilson: Give me the Italian ones!
Simmonstipo: Throw me the Cannon ones! No time to argue, you throw me the Cannon ones, I throw you the Italian ones.
Dr. Wilson: But who will cover The Asylum rip-off?
Simmonstipo: Adiós señor!
Okay, that might not be exactly how it went down, but that is how I felt after watching The Asylum’s wannabe flick – betrayed, seriously let down and knowing my death might be impending.
|"Talk to the hand!"|
Words can’t describe how bad this flick is. Seriously, look at these randomly selected Netflix reviews and try to fathom that the film is actually worse than this:
That's right, The Asylum even angered the fans of "Indiana Johns" with this movie! Michael, who looks a bit like Russell Crowe, has the look and is a decent actor, but director Mark Atkins can’t be bothered to capitalize on it. The script offers him absolutely nothing along the lines of clever lines and the occasional bits that might offer some energy (the train chase; a shootout while Anna is in the tub) are so bungled by Atkins.
|"Yo, we hitting the mall after this?"|
How does this happen? These guys went all the way to South Africa to film, but are boneheaded enough not to think, “Hey, maybe we should move that Coke machine or at least shoot from a different angle.” Of course what do you expect from filmmakers who accidentally film a blinking security alarm inside a turn of the century house in Africa? Christ!